Bored.

Slightly bored of this now,
Kind of one of those things where it helps you for a few months,
Then the keeping up with the blogs just gets less and less,
Looking at other peoples blogs just becomes les and less,
Really knowing what to put up there, dont ever really know anymore, kind of all sounds the same.
Pretty much a really bad case of cant be botherd with anything, until the pressure comes back, then i'll be ripping my hair out like last time...

"/
But when your life is fine and theres nothing you really want to get across then these things dont help, because you have nothing left to say, im happy with my life and to be honest i cant be botherd to tell the world every little thing that is meaningfull to me. When something goes wrong and i have at least one decent point to make about it, ill be back haha.

Truths.

I could tell you a few truths about yourself,
i could just write them all on here,
you would know i was talking about you,
and to be honest i can say them because im not actully related to you,
id only get in to deep water with you, because lets be honest you need to be told.
because its not just me thats starting to get annoyed with it.
well maybe it is me thats the only one that can see it.

Steryo.

Blasting the music through my ear drums.
hoping the issue will leave, let the music push it out of my mind.
"What the hell am i doing drinking in LA!"

Would love to go drinking in LA. Because out there, things are different from this place,
People just do whatever they like, there allowed to look however they like, without people worrying, because out there its a normal thing, its normal to be a certain size, in LA your either, Poor or Rich, Your either, Fat or Skinny, your either a Majorly Popular or have no friends what so ever. This country is different theres more concerns because its crappy England, things are black and white in this place. Spice up this country abit, add some colour. My point is out there, you can be whoever you want to be, and theres a chance that it might happen, where as when your stuck in this rut of a town, theres very little chance, when this rut of a town is being taken over by certain types of people, giving it a bad name, making it such a shit hole. I need a holiday. this place is doing my head in!

Friends.

I just want to let you all know how much you guys mean to me,

Without you guys i don't really know what i would do.
The times i need you, your there.
Slightly strange conversations which i can have with you guys and you would understand.
endless times of deranged laughter,
you guys are there, even when i don't really want you there, but you stay anyway.
Is there a point to this blog, Not really, just wanted to say thanks. <3

Real?

Is this
Is this thing which i have real?
Is it just my imagination?
Is all of this a dream?
certainly feels like it.
Now i understand.
Ive spent almost everyday with you.
you got me the most amazing thing, for my birthday.
i really don't know how your not sick of me by now
don't want you to get sick of me..because i love spending time with you.
i love the silly little things.
i love the small things which you say which i cant ignore
I love the fact you made me talk about the things that i keep bottled up.
I'm now feel comfortable telling you anything, and everything if you want to know.
I feel so safe when I'm holding onto your hand.

Like today, that place bewildered me, i had no idea where i was going, or what i would see when i turned the corner, but with the knowledge that your there, holding my hand, knowing that you wont let anything happen to me.
your arms which fit right around my body, make me feel safe.
Your soothing words which calm my sudden anger. Thank You.

Shivers.

Goosebumps, slowly creep down my arms.
Strange feeling rushes down my spine,
Pitt less feeling in my stomach appears,
She told me this why?
"hush hush darling, don't speak."
"Why are you here? Are you listening, can you hear what i am singing?"
Fallen.30SecondsToMars

Nerves.

Things which rushed through this mind of mine.
1: BLOODY HELL!
2: Oh My God
3:Really? In Such A Short Period Of Time.
4:Thought it requires L**E
5: Do You? Does He?
I would like to Thank, the sane voice which i confided in, you really are an amazing friend.
Thank you.
Camisado.Panic!AtTheDisco

Heart.

Becomes faster.
Beating rushes, as the adrenaline pumps,
The heart beats faster to get the blood rushing to limbs.
Breathing becomes faster, shallower.
The sudden stop of everything, feeling of knowing too far too quick...
Then the constant longing for that feeling.
Knowing what its like when its gone, so i don't try.
Time to forget these insecure feelings,
Forget all the things from the past,
To take my own advise and look foward.
Without sounding completely twatish.
If I'm going forward, I'm happy its with you.

Beating.

Beating hearts,
The sound beating against each individual chests,
The heart, extraordinary.
Pumping blood 24/7
Something goes wrong it can be fixed, with ease.
4 Chambers, All working together.
The physical heart can do all that.
Why cant the metaphorical heart do the same.
Why cant all the emotions work together.
Why is it that only one powerful emotion, overtakes all the others.
Why cant they work in unison, like the physical heart.

Glazed.

"can i go?"
The one thing which can make her face wilt,
Seeing her eyes roll, "its Andy's birthday"
Looking up from where shes sat, can see the true disappointment within her eyes,
"I've worked hard today" her blue eyes still gazing at his willing face,
Starting to see why her mood swings when the mention of this place,
He'll come back, he'll be in a winde up mood, he'll start on the ones which will retaliate,
That's me.
Tonight, someone will argue with him, someone will go to their room, and just sit there, not being able to join, because of that mood.
The music will just have to drown out the noise of his slight tipsy-ness,
Days like this i need a phone with unlimited minutes, Going to need it, if Ive learnt from the past. The young one of this family doesn't quite see it yet, he'll join in with him.
Whereas the two women, will sit, glazed face, arms folded, not paying attention to anything.
Because when he comes back hes not himself, hes the alcohol, which he consumed, hes the couple of beers which he chugged, hes the "go on one more while you wait" person.
But then again, hes much better from when he used to be, when i was younger and never really understood, and when i was in bed by the time he got back.
But now i see it all.

Depth.

The depths of things.
Never really knew existed,
Stories still run through my mind,
Things which could be written,
But arnt, because of the fear of them being misinterpreted,
Cant seem to get the same kind of meaning into these things anymore,
Mainly because, theres nothing deep running though this mind of mine,
I read other peoples, looked at one recently, the message was easy to see.

Yes mum, maybe you should take me to one of them places,
Same thoughts going through my head, how if you had any idea what i think about, if you could hear, my thoughts as you place the plates in front of me, my thoughts at the end of the day, wondeirng if I'm hungry or not, and if I'm not then Ive eaten too much.
There's a part of me telling me that there's something not right, but the other side, is saying there's nothing wrong, carry on. I'm stuck i cant handle people telling me things how I'm perfectly fine, couldn't help but want to argue with him yesterday about the whole thing.

Situations.

Jealousy, turns people green with envey.
Hate, turns people red, with anger.
Pain, turns people blue, with the tears they cry.
Lust, turns people red with passion.
Happiness, turns people yellow, with their gleeming smiles.
Nothingness, turns people black and white, to represent their colourless life.

Green with envey...I used to be
Hate...has faded away from me
Pain...gone dont feel it anymore
Lust...been feeling it recently
Happiness...been the most happy in the past week than i have been before
Nothingness...that faded, that dissappeard just as the happiness began.

The pittless black hole that i once thought was growing within my veryself, has gone. the colours of the crazy emotions ive been having have helped me see, see not to waste what i have, not to take things wrong, to just enjoy the moment, embrace it, love it, because its not going to happen again.