Daylight.

When the sun rises.
The light flooding into my room.
Filling the deepest darkest corners, with glistening sunlight.
The day passes.
The sun rises higher into the sky, allowing me to see you.

See you in a whole new light.
The new light,
The competitive side of you.
The simply amazing side of you i cannot ever see elsewhere.
Although this hold which i have over you.
Your starting to get a hold over me.
I thought i would have been able to not want to be with you all the time.
But its slowly becoming that way.
The sun begins to set
Set on this day.
This amazing day.
Which i never wanted to end.
The darkness slowly began to creep back,
Creep back into the small box which we call rooms.
You amaze me.
The power over me which you've suddenly accumulated.
Startles me.
Thank you.
iloveyou

State

When I'm in this state of mind I really don't know why my parents try to talk to me.
Its just going to end in an argument.

Sitting in that hall with the constant drone.
The drone of my once best friends, which I could talk to for hours about the future aspects of our lives.
All I could hear was their talking, their high pitched over the top giggling.
I'd always been the outsider,
However I was on the inside.
Now I'm the outsider on the outside looking in.
Now I can actually see how different I had to be when I was around them.
I had to be someone I'm not.
When I saw them 3 guys walk past my chair,
The 3 guys which I adore.
I wanted them to pick me up and take me away.
Take me even if they had to drag me, which they wouldn't have.
Taken me away from the 6 fakes,
The fake masks which they wear, I can see through.
I'm not stupid I know when I'm not wanted.
One thing I've learnt from leaving them,
Be yourself not who your friends want you to be.
"God has given you one face, and you make yourself another"
William Shakesphere.

Don't

Don't just don't.
The way you make me feel is incredibly insane.
I can honestly say I've never felt this way.
Not with anyone.
You make the part of me which i thought i lost, alive again.
You have no idea how much control is needed when I'm around you.
Just Promise me.
Just Don't feel like that again.

Sunset?

Walking down that road, with tea in my hand.
The hazy sunlight which was slowly disappearing into the dispersed clouds.
I start to think.
The lives which we lead are all so rushed, So different, but oddly the same.
Each life a hurry.
If you just stop.
And watch.
Watch the rush of our daily lives.
What is the rush?
The fact that daylight soon disappears as quickly as it rises?
I also think that these last years, my early teenage life.
So much has happened, which has happened way too quick.
I've lost too many close people, in such a short period of time.
The years Of taking time to get to know each other.
Gone.
In the matter of days.
We don't talk anymore. So closely related, but so far apart.
What ever happened to them days in parks with the sun beating down on our cheeks.
My once close friends, we soon enough grew apart,
All i want to know is when are we going to grow close again?

When day turns to night, and the sun which once shone on our friendship now sets,
like the sun which i am watching from this grass field.
I don't want this Sun to Set Yet...

Promice

You know you wont pull it off
So why try
You know by the end of the day, you'll be back.
Im going to make it so difficult you have no idea.
You can try, but your only going to fail
Like the Flop you are.
But You know
iloveyou

Loosing.

Sooner or later we all loose something close to us,
I've lost two people, to Cancer, as I'm sure many people have.
But that's not the point, the point is that i lost two of the most important people in my life.
I'm sure I've missed plenty of times with both of them.
I miss them, I miss walking to the car holding his hand,
i miss the sound of his voice,
giving me advise,
There going to miss my 16th birthday this year,
going to miss his great grand-children, and great great grandchildren...
I know what loosing feels like.
I DONT WANT TO LOOSE YOU
I don't want to loose you to anything, weather that be moving away from me,
Or loosing you to any other girl,
that almost happened once and i don't want it to happen again.
This was going through my mind when i was doing something, which is highly wrong for me to be doing.
The smell disgusted me.
Just the thought of me filling my body with them chemicals almost kills me.
However taking this one chance of doing something wrong for once helped me think and clear my mind.
The Fact Is.
I Want To Be With You.
And Never Loose You.
TO Anything.

Chemestry.

Going to re-write this again.
Never mind the past.
Look to the future.
Because we all know,
Life is too short to Waste
Embrace life.
Live it.
Love it.
Take them once in a lifetime opportunities.
Grab the bull by the Horns. As they say.
Because we never know when its going to end...
"Its not the length of life, but the depth of life."
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Songs.

The Joy of music.
Dont get me wrong its amazing, but certain songs hold certain memories.
The Song that i used to be able to listen to twenty-four seven, I am no longer able to do,
I can bearly stomach the sound of those lyrics which linger in my mind.
Those memories which i thought i was rid of flood back to me,
drowning those happy recent memories which i try to keep close.
Are gone.
At the thought of those memories which now hold his face.
The face i cannot stand to see the face which i wish to just fade into the woodwork away from my life.
Away from these times, these memories.
Which i do not want spolit. x

Truth

The truth, is I've never been so scared of being hurt like this.
I feel like I'm trying to run away from the problem that's occurring,
But the truth is i cant, sooner or later this problem will come back.
I should just go to him and tell him, tell this boy that i am falling for.
tell him the truth.and that i think i love him.
a strong word for someone of my age, and i don't use this word very often, so that's why it means more this time than the 1st time i used it, i know the pain that it causes, but the happiness being in it.