Trust.

Thing which im finding it hard to do.

Oath.

I might take an oath..
An oath of being me.
Not accidentally saying things that another person would say,

I'm going to take an oath, to not turn into what "She" did.
Not a puppet, Not a total bitch.
To think this time last year we were so close...But now, i couldn't care less about "You"
Hate, is a word which comes to peoples minds, however for me to hate "you" would have to involve some emotional feeling towards you, and i don't. i feel anything towards our friendship that we once had,
when i think of them "good times" i feel sick.
i cant wait till you move somewhere far away from me,
so i don't have to look at you anymore.!

A few months till we all go our separate ways, and its too soon, one last summer, baring in mind Ive only ever had one summer with the guys, and it was amazing, i cant wait until this summer.
Summer 2010

Peace.

is there any point of it?
the world will never be completely at peace.
The school will never be at peace.
your minds will never be at peace.
But for once in a while i feel like there was no war,
now your just trying to start one.
I'm not going to start a war because of you, a jealous little girl.

who?

Ive Changed in more ways than one.
the way i act, the way i handle things.
i don't know what has done this,
But i don't want to go back, I'm happier, well than when i was before.
I'm confident happy.

However I'm no happy within this state.
This state of Awkwardness. i hate it.
Walking around that room a million times with my headphones in today, slowly moving up to the aisle that you were secluding to yourself.
building up that confidence within myself,
then i looked at you
and just caved. my head stopped me.
i listen to my head two weeks ago and look where it got me.
I don't want this. This weirdness which isn't right. I still think of you as my best friend.
Hell i still think of you as my best friend with an upside.
but it tears everyone apart. you loose your mind. and i stop listening to my heart.
I just cant do this anymore!
If you read this and agree with me, then tomorrow morning when we all get in, we forget everything.

point.

Point break time.
Cracks are appearing in the paint work,
Sometimes one person is the main cause, sometimes were just all not connected.
why is this?
I already feel the problem,
The problem which hardly of any of you would understand.
Big question is
Are we all too different, are we all at different stages of life, to understand what each of us are going through?
"No doubt i deserve my enemies, but i don't believe i deserve my friends" Walt Whitman

Black.

Black hole.
Well its a metaphor.
A metaphor for the End.
I actually brain stormed all of the words which came to mind when i wrote black.
Death, destruction, night, the main one which came up was End.
Is it?
Is it the End.

Personally once you've been sucked into a black hole its generally the End.
This went spiralling into that black hole a while ago.
End.

Square.

People say life is a set of squares.
There wrong!
Life is a set of Circles.
Sure things will end the circle.
But Squares are so Square?
I want to mix things up. FOR THE HELL OF IT!

Picture.

I'm so glad that them pictures actually cheered you up.
I don't know how deeply you looked into them.
You told me a point about one of them.
"love takes time" however i wasn't trying to make this point.
I just took it cos it looked cool.
You looked into my pictures more than i did.
More than others would, as they may feel threatened.
Your thanking me.
I'm thanking you.

Understand.

Just stop.
Stop telling me these things.
Stop telling me I'm fine,
That's YOUR! opinion.
Not mine,
Telling me this stuff isn't going to change my mind.
Stop just stop.
You need to understand.
I'm more stubborn towards you than i am to other people.
Because it just annoys me, when people say that stuff and its not true.
You need to learn, i hate myself, so deal with that fact.

Call.

"Dam right You do TeeHee" From Luke.
Whenever, i really dont mind. Presumably when im at home.

Lukes post.

This is a post which luke has written
" Ollie! Blow me! Next time you want help you can kiss my white arse goodbye.
Love Luke :)"

Luke is pissed! And he said hes right too!
I really love this lesson
Hes right we dont talk, so howa about you call me later and discuss this matter, Instead on a blog where the whole world could see it if they wanted.
After this post im gunner go back to writing deep and emotional stuff.

ICT.

Luke is awesome.
He listens to my problems,
Hell he listens to both our problems,
Hes the thing we have been using to communicate.
Communicate about how we feel.
And I'm sick of it.
I don't want to talk to Luke all the time
I want to talk to you.
Without you getting annoyed with me.

Quote of the day
"Where do you plug in?" Luke hope said this to me as he wanted to plug his headphones into me to try and listen to my thoughts. Ha Ha

Speak.

Why did i say that?!
I spoke that sentence and new straight away,
I saw it in your body language,
You didn't even have to Speak.
The thing which i thought you wouldn't care about,
You did.
After you left, my room was just empty.
I knew that sentence had upset you.
And for that i am deeply sorry.



Thank you guys. For a great day yesterday.

Im thanking You because i can talk to you about the troubles which are on my mind,
And for such a great day yesterday.

I thank you for just being there, just being you, just when i need you.

And thanks to my family, i hardly ever talk about them on this,
Thank you
iloveyou guys

Wrong!

Sometimes you get it so wrong.
You say something before you think about how i would take it.
"oh your ditching me!" you said this to luke...
Made me feel like i wasnt good enough and that you didnt really want me there at all .
Everyone is allowed to have days where they feel like crap beause they feel ill.
Which i know ive been feeling ill for over a week now.
Its made me seem like i cant be botherd with anything.
And to be honest i cant.
I really cant be botherd to aruge with you.
Because your not going to see my point.
You cant understand why im thinking like this.
You promice me you wont be going anywhere.
Thats what the last guy said and the boy before him.
All guys say that to girls, to try and make them feel special,
I know its been ages but, i feel like im having trust issues.
I've put all my trust into the previous ones and they both left me shatterd.
You say your worried about me being swept off my feet by someone else...
To be honest the only way your not going to feel like that is if we go out.
And what is the difference of us going out, is the garentee that im yours.
Because ive told you i am.
And that still isnt good enough.
I dont see the difference between us going out and what we are now.
We are pratically going out anyway.
But still,
Ive told you so many times that im not going anywhere.
And you still dont believe me.
Im starting to wonder.
Is it me with the issues or you?!
Im not like "her" you've seen how she treats your family
Im not like her, im not going to treat you like utter crap.
But you need to understand that i need time alone.
As everyone does.

"With raindrops on roses and girls in white dresses,
And sleeping with roaches,
And taking best guesses,
Shake off the sheets, and before all the stains,
Add a Few more of your favorite things"
Only thing thats making sence is the music which drowns my thoughts

Sorry.

I Dont want this.
When you feel like the whole world is against you.
And you sit in your room for hours, and just cry.
I'd been having an argument with you.
Because you dont know how to deal with this emotion.
You dont understand.
You know full well, that its going to become more.
But when you blatantly see i've been crying right infront of you and you do nothing.
It makes me second guess.
Im so sorry. To all of you.
I'm still making mistakes, just dont wash your hands of me because its out of character.
Im just simply growing.

Time.

Time.
The thing I'm running out of.
The time I've spent in that place.
Trying to help myself.
Trying to help set myself up for the future.
That may have just been a waste of time.
Time is ticking.
Ticking. Like a clock.
Trying to get that one grade.
That one grade which could either screw my whole school career, or
That one grade.
That sets my future into place.
That grade I'm going to,
Try my hardest.
For Me. For My life. For My Future

Over.

Days away have proven to me.
Proven that i was right.
To go.
Far away.
You cant pick your family but you can pick your friends.
I am so glad i fineally got it right.
Away from the snidey comments.
The comments which cut deeper than you think.
Im over it.
I've Grown up.
And sooner or later your going to realize,
That you should grow up.
I'm over the bitchiness.
"Wisdom is attained by learning when to hold ones tounge"

Bitch.

Oh Dear.
Someone is Jealous.
You know full well where i got them from.
Covering them would be a waste of time.
Theres nothing to cover.
And to be honest,
I don't care about your opinion.
I don't care if you think its "Ikey"
I think your bitchiness is "Ikey"
Some mate you actually turned out to be.
Oh how times.
Just.Change.

Left.

Just so you understand.
What I'm talking about.
In case i get you confused again.
So I'm writing this a little different.
Not that you read these things anyway.
You think i write poems.
Wrong.
This post is dedicated to
Jeff
Just to prove i don't write poems!
Ha ha