Change.

Really long time since Ive been on this, because its all about the tumblr these days..
Not the same person i was last year, when i was writing all this deep emotional shit, well would love to be able to do that again but these days i cannot be bothered to do anything properly.
Ive been an idiot these past few weeks, a total twat, and Ive probably fucked everything i love and want up. its seriously screwed, Ive done the single worst thing anyone can do to another person. I'm not proud. i don't regret it. i just wish i would have been cleverer. smarter about the whole situation. but now its changed. moved on to the next one. my best friend. i cant say much because I'm worried about who's eyes are going to see this, so i cant really vent the way i want, just want to rant about it and honestly not give a shit who reads it, but i cant.
shes going to be stupid. i know she will because shes one to do it and think later. I'm worried. shes gunner get feelings for this inhuman prick again. because of things. and then its going to crumble in front of her eyes. crush her. like it has me.

Ive been happy recently, but the past week. i think i am at my lowest. sure people come along and cheer me up, but then i get back to the house, the shell that i don't feel apart of, and go into a deep depression in my room, waiting for someone to call me waiting for someone to notice my existence. Ive drunk too much recently, smoked too much recently. both things which i said were not going to happen this year, they already have. and the one thing i said i would never do in my life, fucking went and did that too. and for that i will never forgive myself.