I never go on this any more, I don't need to, But to those who read it every now and then to have a look at my secret little life,hey there.

I fear its happening again, the wishing of bones to be sticking out of my skin, the hoping my collar bones look good and poky, hoping my spine sticks out more and more. and before people say oh attention, I would like to ask you, how you would feel if you were to look in the mirror everyday and feel sick at what you have become, and see how ugly you are. once more.

Another little confession, I'm probably the last person anyone would think of if someone asked who is really lonely?

well I told Jake to grow some balls and go out there and to do something about his loneliness, I did that and it worked, now I again feel lonely again, more and more, Jake is back in England and I feel more lonely than ever, because he has friends he can call up and talk to for hours, that will talk to him if he signs on to msn, friends that care weather he's quiet or not. All I have is him. I see friends with other friends enjoying themselves, and I sit here and know that if I was to turn up at that moment in time the atmosphere would change, someone that hardly knows me called me a social leper, I'm starting to think that he's right, I sit at home and envy them because people just love them. people think I'm weird and socially awkward, because I'm shy, and doesn't let people in easily, I do stupid things to try and fit in with them, and they still just think of me as her friend, that nobody likes but is just there like. I'm always looking in from the outside, I would just love to be looking out for once, least in year eight and nine I had friends like that now, I have one person. that would go out of their way to see if I'm OK, because he knows me well enough that the fake smile I plaster on is fake.